he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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