we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
