I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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