too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
