Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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