I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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