I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
