put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
