Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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