mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
