Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
