I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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