how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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