HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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