I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
