well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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