What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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