he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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