woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want to make out with him forever
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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