Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
