It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i now understand why vodka
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
