If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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