using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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