it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
