i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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