I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
