You made me cry and you don't even care
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
