You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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