sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
