I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
