she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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