Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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