Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
