so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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