Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
