Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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