OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
