College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
