I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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