..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
