so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
