Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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