And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
