see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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