we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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