It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
