you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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