no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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