I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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