Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
