The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
