I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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