I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
