if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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