i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
