Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
