I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
