Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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