WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
