You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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