i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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