you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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