Dual....:-)
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
