It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
