she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
