dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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