Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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