If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
