After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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