I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
