Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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