Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
