He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
