My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
