When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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