So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
