is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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