I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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