I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
