Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
