i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
