Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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