Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
