I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
