I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found your dick twin last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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