Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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