I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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