Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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