i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
